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Thanks for visiting! Chez CodyMa vie, mes amis!
December 13 'Smart', spelled S-M-R-TDo you ever find yourself wondering how smart you REALLY are? I mean, I got pretty good grades in school. I was reading at the college level by Grade 6. These are characteristics of a 'smart' person, but sometimes I question my intelligence. I say things I shouldn't, I do things I don't want to do, and I hurt the people I love the most. Is that smart?
"That's life", they say, but why? Aren't humans the smartest creatures in the world? Why can't we learn from our mistakes? Why can't we break habits, fight human nature and live a 'smart' life?? What is wrong with us? What is wrong with ME?
I wish I had an answer. If I did, I wouldn't have to write this; I wouldn't make so many mistakes so as to require such contemplation. I wish I could say I were smart.
...Right Now...So, there's more to the title than you may think - at least a little bit. Basically, there is life behind me (...) and life in front of me (...), but the 'Right Now' is sort of anticipatory. I mean, I started a new job, met new people and bought my first Lotto 6/4 ticket (and lost), so to some people, they'd be like, "Oh cool, you've done quite a bit in the last week"; but really, what are good times if there's no one to share them with?
I know I'm sounding blah again, and whatever, but really, it's hard for me to be without Amanda for so long. It's such a strange feeling, like she's gone forever, but at the same time, there's no closure like breaking up or death (sorry for the dark imagery). The closer I get to her return, the harder it is, it seems. Like time will stretch itself out horribly. It's like a digital clock that counts hours, then minutes, then seconds. As time moves forward, the measure of it becomes smaller and smaller. Time edges closer to the point I'm waiting for, but never quite gets there.
I know that's not true, but it feels like it. I dread Monday... I know I'm going to see her, but when? I'm going to be waiting for it all day, and that 'day' will be a month.
I don't want to wait, but I know I must. The time WILL come. It will... December 02 If I were SantaHohoho, if I were Santa...
-My wife would have a MUCH bigger part in the Christmas story. How come we never hear about her? Seriously. Give her some air-time! Maybe let her go on trips with Santa around the world... Ya, I think the whole Mr-Mrs Claus relationship is lacking a little. He never talks about her, she's never seen with him in public (malls, etc), and he hasn't complained to the media or authors to give her a biography or something. I think he's a bit of an arse, all considered.
-I would give my attention to more than just children. Children get all the attention from everyone else anyway! Now, I'm not saying I'd ignore them, I'm just saying I would include their parents, and grandparents, and even the child-less folk of the world. Like, who's ever heard of someone getting a house for Christmas? ...Exactly. That's what I mean. People could really benefit from adult gifts. Not only the adults themselves, but their children. A house for a poor family sounds like a pretty good gift to me.
-MORE ELVES!!! Honestly, hasn't Santa heard of child benefits? Use them, for Claus'sake! Get those elves pumping out more kids and he won't have so much trouble getting the toys done by Christmas. Elves with X amount of children get X amount of extra gifts for Christmas. Makes sense to me
-The Naughty/Nice list would be run on computers. Based on certain calculations (number of good deeds vs. bad deeds, family situation, special cases, etc), the program would give recommendations for each person in the world. It would make looking over long files on each child unnecessary.
-I would make public appearances. I'm sure Santa has enough magic to prevent an assassination by a parent who's child received an annoying gift the previous year, as well as to keep the North Pole hidden, and safe. And, think about how much more I could do if I got a registered charity number. Who wouldn't donate to the the organization that makes every person's Christmas a great one? More money equals bigger workshop; bigger workshop means better gifts for all!
-There would be a costume change! OK, I don't have a problem with being a large man in red, but some parts of the Santa tradition are a little old. Every year, it's the same red suit with fluffy white stuff. I'm not trying to change everything here, but maybe a little update. I'm kind of thinking the Jack Frost Santa from 'The Santa Clause 3'. A bit of shimmering red, some spiky white, and an absolutely amazing beard and hair to make ANY man envious. Oh, I can't wait!
So, there you have it. There's a few of my plans for when I become Santa Claus. Not just A Santa Claus, but THE Santa Claus. The one who people everywhere will believe in and love.
Together, Mrs Claus and I will make Christmas the best it's ever been.
***VOTE CODY FOR SANTA THIS YEAR***
The following is a link to the related video. Check it out.
*****IF I WERE SANTA*****
November 27 Mind-ReadingI had to debate which category to put this into: Life or Love? I decided that it could apply to more than relationships.
I was answering a question on Facebook today about what I would do if I could do anything. It took me a while to think about it, but I chose mind-reading. It just seems like every day we're faced with people who don't speak their mind and situations that require the information they're withholding. How are we supposed to deal with that. It's like the whole 'seeing both sides of the story' way of thinking. They say, "Don't judge a situation until you know the whole story." Well, what if I CAN'T know the whole story. What if someoen else refuses to give me the missing pages.
As horrible as it could be to know what people are thinking at times, it would be a great asset to me if I knew those thoughts, regardless. Obviously, it could be abused so much that it would be more of a curse than a blessing, so ideally, that option would be limited. A set number of uses per day would be one such limit, and probably my choice. If I could read minds whenever I wanted, I'd probably end up reading everyone's, even if I didn't really want to; I'd be addicted. But, if I could read, say, 5 minds a day, I'd have to really consider what I wanted to know, and would be inclined to save them for more important things later in the day. More than likely - after a time - I would be left with one or two power-instances every day.
I don't know about you, but this would be my choice of superabilities if I was ever given the opportunity.
How about you? Do you agree? If you had the choice, what would YOU choose?
I might add more to this in a few days. If you want to know more of what I think about this, let me know. November 17 LoveWow.
That's my first thought when I reread my last post. Just 'wow' that it's so true, and that I can't see that fact ever changing. I love Amanda. Each day, I love her more. Each time I learn something new about her, I love her more.
I never knew what love was until I found her and gave her up. THEN, I realized what love is. Love is when you can't live without someone; love is when you've tried - and failed - to let go; love is when another person is a part of you. That is love. And, I have that. I can hardly believe it sometimes, but I have that, and I love it. I love love.
For the first part of our relationship, I knew she felt more for me than I felt for her, and I hated it. I hated that she could like me so much and that I was thinking of letting her go. I hated that I was going to hurt her and couldn't see any way out of it.
But, now, since our reunion, we're on equal terms. I knew before we broke up that she loved me, but now I love her in return.
I've thought a lot about us, our relationship and our future, and I can honestly say I want you in it, Amanda. I see myself with you for a long time. I just hope that forever is long enough for you. October 22 My Heart Beats Once Again(Original Post: ~3am, Friday, October 19th [also, 4-month anniversary of Amanda and I])
"You don't know how good it is until it's gone."
That's what they say, and whoever 'they' are, they're pretty damn smart! I now know the full meaning of this saying. I'm just glad what I had didn't disappear forever...
Right now, I can't believe I ever gave her up. Whatever it was that caused me to end it in the first place will soon be figured out, talked about, and dealt with. Two people who love one another can deal with anything, together. I know this, I want this, I have this.
Amanda, I'm sorry... I read your blogs. I felt your heart being ripped to shreds as I read the words you wrote. I apologize for the hurt I caused you. I pray you never have to suffer anything like that, ever. I thank you for not holding it against me. I thank you for giving us a second chance. I pray our relationship is strengthened, and not hindered, by this event.
To say I've missed you is putting it lightly. From the moment I put the end into motion, I saw how truly wonderful you are. I've wanted to hold you from the time I told you I didn't, if that makes any sense to you. I want you in my life. I have no doubt of this anymore.
I honestly meant what I said last night about this being like people who are in car accidents and stuff. The ones who take it as a warning and enjoy each moment of their lives so much more. I will enjoy every hug, every kiss, every word spoken between us. Though I regret that hurt had to come of this, I will never regret this renewed mindset of savoring each moment, nor the sense of joy that I get simply from thinking of you.
Wherever this separation came from, whatever thought, whatever word, I know that God was in it from the beginning. He knew His plan, and He put it to work. May the Lord ALWAYS guide us in our relationship to the path He has laid out. He knows the way. Let us follow Him there.
Again, I'm sorry. Again, I thank you. You're beautiful, you're amazing, and by some miracle, you're mine. I love you too. October 15 #1 Quality of a Great FriendI asked this question on Facebook and got such responses as respect, and being there for you no matter what. While these are absolutely awesome qualities of a friend, there is one that is even better: LOVE.
And, that doesn't mean that someone has to be a homosexual to be a great friend, though obviously they can be great friends too; what I mean is, like, "I would die for you" kind of love.
Now, I hope that everyone knows what I'm talking about - can think of at least one friend who's like this. It's like anything negative that happens between you is fixed in 5 minutes, you'll always forgive each other, and if the need arose, you would take each other's place in death.
This kind of love envelops so much, which is why (though respect and being there no matter what are great qualities) this is the #1 quality of a great friend. IF you love your best friend, you'll respect them, you'll be there for them in any situation, you'll be honest with them, trust them and again, die in their stead.
Love is the #1 quality of a great friend. Are YOU a great friend? Love and Lost, or Not Loved At All?? #2So, I've found the answer to my previous question. As far as love is concerned, I can't speak too much of it. I still don't fully understand the concept of love. But, though I may not have loved, I can say with full assurance, "To have loved and lost is immeasureably better than to have never loved at all."
The feeling that one gets from being connected to another person cannot be replaced or equalled or bettered by anything, whatsoever, in this world. I would never give up what I had, though the loss of it hurts like a dagger.
If you must make the choice, take the path of life and love. Even if it is lost, the memories are enough. September 28 LONG questionnaireSo, ya, I just filled out the longest questionnaire ever, and guess what? Ya, exactly, it didn't work. So, I've compiled some of the good questions, and I'm answering them here. Lol. Some of them may get interesting responses from my readers.
-If I could erase the effects of past mistakes and still remember I made them, I would. What I've learned from my mistakes, I would never give away.
-I've wished in the past that my cat were human and that I could be in a relationship with her. Is that weird?
-I weigh myself AFTER going to the washroom. I'm always two pounds lighter that way.
-I don't let people not like me. I spent 2 years stopping a girl from disliking me. I was kind, and she finally gave up and became my friend. Lol. THAT's perseverance!
-On women wearing suits: Women should wear women's clothes most of the time. But, I've seen a handsome woman or two in my day...
-Hugs vs Kisses: They're both amazing. It depends. Hugs bond people. Kisses show that bond.
-If I could have my own business, it would be a little bakery. Sandwiches, baked goods, tea, coffee, and smoothies. Just something small.
-I love being naked, and could easily live in a nudist colony, even with all the wrinkly old people.
-On being an artist: My mind creates art. My hand doesn't speak Headish. How unfortunate.
-Of course I plan on achieving a major life goal. If you don't strive toward something, life is a waste. Better to try and fail than to not try at all.
-I have no doubt that I would die for a good friend. There's not much I wouldn't do for the select few in that category.
-I'm not embarassed to be seen with my mother. I love her, and I hug her in public. She's earned it.
There you go. Did you know some of those? Probably. Did you know them all? Probably not. So, you've learned a little bit about me today. Don't say I don't tell you anything. September 11 Life UpdateSome people (or a single person. Hehe) have been complaining that I don't write enough, so here I am again. I have another post to, well, post, after this, but for now, a general update as to what's happened over the past several months.
Alright, two major things, I guess, that merit mention. First, in early summer, I began three new friendships with women (it's always nice to get 'the other side of the story').
The first was Kate, a coworker from Lordco. I asked her out, she accepted, and I got to know her a bit. She turned out to be one of the brightest young ladies I've ever met, and one of the most kind, as well. Things didn't progress very far in the dating department, but I still value the time we spent together, and the posts and replies we share on our blogs.
The other two were church acquaintances of mine, and friends of one another: Kristen, and Amanda.
Kristen is one of the most complex females in the world, and you never know how she'll react to a given situation. She has a wide range of emotions, and uses them extensively. She's a fun person to hang around with, and always has something to say.
And, finally, Amanda, my first girlfriend. She is truly the most unique woman I know. Every time I turn around, she surprises me again. I've had a lot of female friends in my life, and learned a lot from/about their 'species', but many of the ideas I've formed are completely false when it comes to her. She has helped me re-evaluate many of the qualities I possess which I previously underestimated. In her, I've found what I've been looking for. Everything she does is an attempt to make me a better person, a stronger man, and though I try to try to return the favor, she's simply better. I've shared many amazing moments with her, and hope to share tons more. For example, she's the first person I ever held in the pouring rain for four hours, and probably the only one I would've enjoyed it with. Little things can make life good, but it's times like those that make life great. All this, paired with her vegetarianism, and my lactose intolerance, make her the right one for me.
The second mention-worthy news item, which I will write on is my new job. I took the summer off of work, then applied at Stream. Obviously, I made it in (who do they turn away?), and I'm currently in my second week of training. I've almost fallen asleep two days in class, but today was a better one. I got more sleep last night than usual, so my mind worked a little quicker, a little more efficiently. I got ahead, did some extra research, and was able to answer questions that the trainer didn't even know. I don't mean to brag, but I think that makes me awesome. Lol. It's gonna be a hard job, but I'll stick with it for a while, at least, and find something else if I need to.
Obviously, my summer consisted of more than this, but these are the major events. Of course, three new friends wasn't enough, and I realized I needed a wider network, so I joined the local Rotaract Club that my best friend, Corbin, is already a member of, and I'm meeting lots of new people through that channel, and Stream is becoming a social extender as well. I'm noticing how much diversity there is in the people I know, and how each person, however small or short the relationship we share, has a great impact on who I am as a person. There are so many roads still to be travelled in my lifetime, and I hope I can take the journey with the people in my life. I don't often thank people for existing, but I'm blogging, so I'm allowed. I just want to say to everyone who's reading this, and even to those who aren't, I appreciate the time and effort you put into me, into our relationship, and whether you realize it or not, I will carry some small part of you with me until I leave this world. Thank you, and I hope that I can impact you in the same way.
August 30 Wasted TimeIf you keep wishing for days to be over, you'll all too soon be wishing to have those days back. That's a little piece of philosophy from the heart of Cody. It's true, though. We as humans, and especially Westerners, rush ourselves through life, never fully experiencing the joys it has to offer, and eventually realize that all those moments we skipped past without notice are so valuable now that they are gone.
Hindsight is 20/20, or so they say, and it is only in the past few years that I've fully grasped the importance of living each moment as a life of its own. Once it's gone, it's gone. Each moment is born, lives and dies, and then another is born and the cycle repeats itself, until there are no more moments to be lived. As a life lived without finding its true purpose is a wasted one, so each moment that is meaningless is as one thrown away. I know this, I understand this, as I'm sure many do, but then there is knowledge about, and knowledge of. The first is simple knowledge, the latter is a deep-rooted, internal, heart kind of knowledge, the convictions we truly and completely live by. I may 'know' that each moment is precious, and I 'know' that I've wasted many, but I also 'know' that I'm not finished throwing away time.
How do we root the truth within ourselves, so we are always aware of the things that are happening to us right now? So we live each moment as though it is an independant life?
The only sufficient answer I can think of is this: Truly live a moment, and you'll love the joy it brings. Truly live a number of moments, and you'll never go back.
In other words, what is your passion? If you know, live it! If you don't know, find out, then live it! August 17 Current AspirationsSo times change, right? Decisions are made, and remade, and made again. I once planned on being a pastor. I thought of being a counsellor. I concidered becoming a teacher even. But, as I said, times change.
So, what do I have in mind now? Good question, and one I still don't have a concrete answer to. But, I'll fill you in on some of my thoughts on the subject.
One idea is being a truck driver. Long haul, of course. But, losing my license is kind of putting a bit of a block on that idea, since I now have to wait 2 years before I can go for my Class 1 now. At least, I figure so. Maybe I can get that straightened out.
Another idea is opening a little coffee shop/bakery somewhere. That'd be fun; baking is great, and getting to listen to people's stories. I'd just need a little practice, some starter money, and some good recipes!
Photography. There's something fun! Heading off into who knows where simply to look at the beauty of God's creation and bring the wild into people's homes and workplaces. Bring the tiniest things into view, immortalize the slightest sliver of a second, bring the distance near to those who would admire it. That's definitely up there in my books. What's needed? Starter money for a camera and travel expenses. That's about it. If it works out, customers will come to me.
Drawing, coloring, painting. It's fun, and I wouldn't set all my time and effort into it, but who knows? Maybe I could make some money at it. It's all about creativity and a willingness to let the imagination roam free.
The goal of my whole life: to simply win the lottery. Wow, that takes effort. Hehe.
And, if I can find the right people, the selling of stamp collection. I didn't put any effort into making it, or collecting at all. I found it. It's thousands of stamps large, and could be worth tons. Starter money, anyone?
There's some of the ideas that have been running through my head of late. Who knows if I can make it in any of them? But, who says I can't? June 25 My First AdventureAs I've said before, the journey of love envelops friendship, family, girlfriends/boyfriends, and true lovers. I don't presume to know what love is, but I use that category in the broad sense, not in the "I love you" sense.
Now, to my true purpose.
As the title suggests, I have something I've never had before. That thing is not a thing, but a person. I have a girlfriend, and, she's amazing. But, why do I call this my first adventure? Well, I've never had a girlfriend before, and before her, I liked somewhere around 50 girls. That would be enough to lower anyone's spirits, I think. And, so it did mine. I had a pretty negative outlook on relationships, but it seems that all the rejections, mess-ups, and failed dates of those many years don't outweigh a single day with Amanda.
Why do there have to be so many negative sayings? "What goes up must come down", "All good things must come to an end". Why is there no middle ground in this area of our lives? It's all up, or it's down. There's no, "I'm pretty good right now".
This is my first relationship, she is my first girlfriend, and I've enjoyed my first kiss. I love it. But, it's an adventure; I have no idea where I'm going. I don't even know my destination! It's fun, it's exhilarating, but it's frightful and dangerous as well. This is the first time I've truly risked anything major. There might not be bears to chew my head off, or lightning to start a forest fire, but there will be fights and arguments, disappointments and failures, and there's still a small chance of losing a finger! (Hehe).
This has the potential to be much better, or much worse than I could ever imagine. I pray it is the first! June 18 Still HopeAhhh...
There is still hope for me yet. Maybe, just maybe, I've found someone who accepts me for me, and is willing to go beyond friendship to prove it. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not doomed to a single life forever. Maybe, just maybe, the last kiss of my life won't be when I was 8. And, maybe, just maybe, my fear of rejection will be finally conquered.
Maybe. June 14 Love and Lost, or Not Loved at All??They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all, but how true is that really? Is it not better to not love at all, to never be hurt, and to not feel the loss and emptiness of the absence of love. Like a child who's never had ice cream. They don't miss it. How could they? They've never tasted it. And so with love.
Why can we not be completely non-sexual? To never feel for someone, to never desire another's touch, to never need the acceptance of another, to never feel unworthy or unloved?
Why can't life be simple?
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